Thursday, October 21, 2010
I blog according to the beat of the music I listen in to
~I can still hear your voice...
But it's slowly fading
I still see your face
Everyday, in my dreams
I try to approach you
You turn your back and run
A dream within a dream
I hold all our precious memories within a vault
A vault hidden in my brain
Only me the reader can access
Memories of you and me
Locked up in a time capsule buried deep inside my heart
I go through inception every night
Knowing that's the only time I get to see your face
I treasure all the time asleep
And never do I want to wake
I want to hold you in my arms forever
Never letting you go
But when the clock strikes
And the alarm bell rings
My time is up
Tears start forming in my eyes
As I slowly bid goodbye
Another painful day without you by my side
You had already left
Why am I still here praying you would stay?
I am slowly going insane
I'm just doing the damn same thing expecting a different outcome
God help me Im losing my mind.
Someone once asked me "Hey Ryan, what changed? Why'd you give up? Don't like her anymore? You like not emo le lehh."
I told him "Everything :) I learnt to let go"
Deep down I knew it was just a lie. I never let go. I still hold on to a string that is already broken in two. I keep holding on, trying to mend that broken string. I try and try. But it just won't be a perfect string. There will forever be a knot in the middle you see? I don't know why I choose to hold on. I've seen people giving up so easily in love. They move on without giving two fucks about anything. Why can't I be like them? Just don't care shit and just move on with my life. Why do I keep coming back to you?
Why?
What's so special about you? Why is it even after some relationships I still keep coming back to you? What have you done to me? Is it because you're the first girl that I ever truly loved? That you're the first girl that ever made me even consider myself doing such stupid things? Is that it?
I invite you to read this, But I know you won't. Life's moving at a too rapid pace for all of us. That we don't pause and look at the people that we're hurting. I know, everyone of us has hurt someone in a way that we don't even know about. I'm just expressing this hurt that I feel, I'm crying in my heart now and I can feel the tears coming out of my eyes. Why? Why do you always make me cry?
I really do love you
But yet I know
Deep down inside
Deep down in your heart
You already made space for somebody else
9:51 PM